#1...Old Irish Guy (Neil McCaffrey)

(INTRO, etc.)

I was walking past an antique store the other day and a sign in the window said "Vintage Collectibles."  That's west-side speak for "old junk."  But I decided that maybe I'm not old, I'm vintage.  I'm going to start asking for my Vintage Citizen Discount.  I like that.

(THE DOWN SIDE; ANGER, ETC.)

(HOW HE'S SEEN THE MASS CHANGE, ETC.)